She's not. But she has good reason not to be. This place will take you out of yourself. Drugs, drinks, or just breathing the air, and you'll find yourself doing things that aren't you. It's usually just sexual, or you end up spilling secrets you never meant to come out. Not that that's good. But there was a month back in June where we all became different people. Lived different lives. Ash was suddenly my brother, my actual biological brother. I was still in politics but I was never vice president.
[ pause. dots appearing and disappearing, wondering how much to say. ]
I was in love with Ash still. You can see how that posed problems. I was different. Worse than I am now. Way fucking worse. I'd killed people, to cover up what Ash and I were doing. We'd throw these sex parties and make everyone sign NDAs so everything was airtight. It was like Lyonesse, but without any of the safeguards. Ani was in our lives. She was Ash's mistress, but we both... were with her. It wasn't a good idea in any sense of the word. Not for me. Things spiraled from there. Ash would play hot and cold with me, I would get fucked up. I fought with Ani constantly. I was obsessed with her. I hated her. I cared for her, too. But I loved Ash, and there was no getting around that for me. There was no happy ending ever coming my way, and so when Ani told us she was leaving because she'd found hers, I snapped. I broke into her room and I attacked her. I don't know if I would've killed her. I don't know. But I do know that I hurt her. Maybe it wasn't really us and it wasn't really our lives, but the damage was real. Dead fucking real.
Anyway. I've been trying to make it up to her ever since, but I don't think there's any coming back from it. Not anymore. I don't know how much of it was really me, and I don't blame her for not wanting to find out. That's the story. I thought you should know. There's not many people that knew of me back home, but since you did, I felt like I owed you the truth of what I really am.
cw incest, assault
This place will take you out of yourself. Drugs, drinks, or just breathing the air, and you'll find yourself doing things that aren't you. It's usually just sexual, or you end up spilling secrets you never meant to come out.
Not that that's good. But there was a month back in June where we all became different people. Lived different lives. Ash was suddenly my brother, my actual biological brother. I was still in politics but I was never vice president.
[ pause. dots appearing and disappearing, wondering how much to say. ]
I was in love with Ash still. You can see how that posed problems.
I was different. Worse than I am now. Way fucking worse. I'd killed people, to cover up what Ash and I were doing. We'd throw these sex parties and make everyone sign NDAs so everything was airtight. It was like Lyonesse, but without any of the safeguards.
Ani was in our lives. She was Ash's mistress, but we both... were with her. It wasn't a good idea in any sense of the word. Not for me.
Things spiraled from there. Ash would play hot and cold with me, I would get fucked up. I fought with Ani constantly. I was obsessed with her. I hated her. I cared for her, too. But I loved Ash, and there was no getting around that for me. There was no happy ending ever coming my way, and so when Ani told us she was leaving because she'd found hers, I snapped.
I broke into her room and I attacked her. I don't know if I would've killed her. I don't know. But I do know that I hurt her. Maybe it wasn't really us and it wasn't really our lives, but the damage was real. Dead fucking real.
Anyway. I've been trying to make it up to her ever since, but I don't think there's any coming back from it. Not anymore.
I don't know how much of it was really me, and I don't blame her for not wanting to find out.
That's the story. I thought you should know. There's not many people that knew of me back home, but since you did, I felt like I owed you the truth of what I really am.